I'm separating all of my news into two blog posts to make it easier on the eyes.
After all of the stress I had been putting myself through, I broke down Sunday evening and emailed my admissions counselor for graduate school. I was worried enough and had had enough close calls with panic attacks that I needed to do something. Panic symptoms suck.
When I got home from work Monday afternoon, there was an email waiting from the program director. It turns out that some of my paperwork had gotten misplaced, misfiled, or something, and that I could have had an answer weeks ago. All I would have had to have done was gotten over myself and emailed someone.
Now I'm gearing up for interviews! I have a bunch of internships that I spent all day today writing cover letters and resumes for and I'll be tentatively interviewing for positions on April 1st!
I feel so much lighter now. All of this weight has just slid off of me and I feel like me again. The stress is gone. I just have to go in there, show them how awesome I am, and hope that I don't do something stupid - like trip over my own two feet.
-AA
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Day 207 - "A Little Bit of Life"
I was in such a panic about grad school that I forgot to share a little slice of me growing up.
I, the mechanically challenged 23-year-old that I am, bought a set of tires all by myself last week.
You see, I was driving home from work Thursday afternoon and I apparently ran over a screw, completely unnoticed. Around three o'clock that afternoon, my sister Erin drops by for a visit, and as she walks in the door, I hear, "Dude, Ashley, you've got a flat tire."
"What are you talking about?" I replied.
"Go look at it! I was wondering why you were parked like that. How'd you miss it?"
Sure enough, I went to look at my car and my front passenger's side tire was flat. I don't mean just a little slack, but cartoonish, oh-my-gosh-what-the-h#%$-happened flat. Thankfully, my dad came home a couple of minutes later, discovered the screw, and sent me to have my tire fixed. That was the quickest and cheapest car repair I've ever had done. Fifteen minutes, five bucks, and I was back on the road.
However, my tires were the original ones on the car and, according to the mechanic at the shop, pretty well worn, so Friday I had to venture out and get new tires. The guy who put the plug in my old tire quoted me a price of a little over $320 for a full set, but being slightly broke I did not want to spend that much on tires.
Finally, Friday afternoon, I bought a set of tires for $271.11. I did it all on my own, without my dad or boyfriend there to help.
And I know nothing about tires.
I know that it sounds strange to be so proud about buying tires, but it's one of those ventures into the adult world that sort of validates that yes, I can function on my own even if I have absolutely no clue what I'm talking about. I sorted out a major investment and took care of it all of my own accord, and it felt good.
Well, until I handed over the check. That kind of stunk.
-AA
I, the mechanically challenged 23-year-old that I am, bought a set of tires all by myself last week.
You see, I was driving home from work Thursday afternoon and I apparently ran over a screw, completely unnoticed. Around three o'clock that afternoon, my sister Erin drops by for a visit, and as she walks in the door, I hear, "Dude, Ashley, you've got a flat tire."
"What are you talking about?" I replied.
"Go look at it! I was wondering why you were parked like that. How'd you miss it?"
Sure enough, I went to look at my car and my front passenger's side tire was flat. I don't mean just a little slack, but cartoonish, oh-my-gosh-what-the-h#%$-happened flat. Thankfully, my dad came home a couple of minutes later, discovered the screw, and sent me to have my tire fixed. That was the quickest and cheapest car repair I've ever had done. Fifteen minutes, five bucks, and I was back on the road.
However, my tires were the original ones on the car and, according to the mechanic at the shop, pretty well worn, so Friday I had to venture out and get new tires. The guy who put the plug in my old tire quoted me a price of a little over $320 for a full set, but being slightly broke I did not want to spend that much on tires.
Finally, Friday afternoon, I bought a set of tires for $271.11. I did it all on my own, without my dad or boyfriend there to help.
And I know nothing about tires.
I know that it sounds strange to be so proud about buying tires, but it's one of those ventures into the adult world that sort of validates that yes, I can function on my own even if I have absolutely no clue what I'm talking about. I sorted out a major investment and took care of it all of my own accord, and it felt good.
Well, until I handed over the check. That kind of stunk.
-AA
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Day 203 - "If I Just Breathe"
After nearly throwing up at work Wednesday because of the panic, nerves, and stress I've been feeling about grad school, I talked to my friend Sondra. Sondra lived across the hall from me during my first year of college and was one of the first upperclassmen I had met. She's also in a higher education administration program and working on her master's degree.
She reminded me that "early March" could be any time until around the 20th of the month, so I guess that I still have some waiting to do. Not only that, the school was on spring break this past week, so all of my panic about this was somewhat irrational - no one was even there to discuss any of the applications, let alone send out interview invites.
We'll just wait and see, wait and see. If all else fails, then Sondra's program has an application deadline of May 15th. There's still time; I'm just uneasy as to how much time is enough.
-AA
She reminded me that "early March" could be any time until around the 20th of the month, so I guess that I still have some waiting to do. Not only that, the school was on spring break this past week, so all of my panic about this was somewhat irrational - no one was even there to discuss any of the applications, let alone send out interview invites.
We'll just wait and see, wait and see. If all else fails, then Sondra's program has an application deadline of May 15th. There's still time; I'm just uneasy as to how much time is enough.
-AA
Monday, March 8, 2010
Day 198 - "In This White Wave, I Am Sinking in This Silence"
I am officially, without a doubt, in full-on panic mode. By that, I mean that I am probably one wrong glance away from a full blown clinical panic attack.
I keep obsessively checking my email, jumping every time my phone rings, lunging at any form of communication that may or may not reduce the sense of panic I feel rising in my abdomen and set my nerves at ease. It's a teeth grinding, stomach churning, heavy chested form of hell where I don't know which way is up or when it is going to end.
I just know that it is going to end sometime, whether in good or bad news.
Everyone keeps telling me that I have nothing to worry about, that I have no problems talking to people and that the most challenging task would be figuring out which assistantship to put me in. That's not what I'm worried about - once I get to an interview, any interview, I'll be fine - it's the indefinite wait that is rubbing my nerves raw like scrubbing your face with steel wool. I'm almost to the point that I've resigned myself to a rejection letter, even though the application deadline was just Friday and I know that they didn't meet over the weekend.
If the suspense doesn't kill me, then it'll raise my blood pressure enough to be that of a normal person. More updates tomorrow, or as soon as I hear something.
-AA
I keep obsessively checking my email, jumping every time my phone rings, lunging at any form of communication that may or may not reduce the sense of panic I feel rising in my abdomen and set my nerves at ease. It's a teeth grinding, stomach churning, heavy chested form of hell where I don't know which way is up or when it is going to end.
I just know that it is going to end sometime, whether in good or bad news.
Everyone keeps telling me that I have nothing to worry about, that I have no problems talking to people and that the most challenging task would be figuring out which assistantship to put me in. That's not what I'm worried about - once I get to an interview, any interview, I'll be fine - it's the indefinite wait that is rubbing my nerves raw like scrubbing your face with steel wool. I'm almost to the point that I've resigned myself to a rejection letter, even though the application deadline was just Friday and I know that they didn't meet over the weekend.
If the suspense doesn't kill me, then it'll raise my blood pressure enough to be that of a normal person. More updates tomorrow, or as soon as I hear something.
-AA
Friday, March 5, 2010
Day 195 - (Quiet)
Today is the official deadline to apply to my graduate program. I should know in "early March" whether or not I am being asked to interview for a graduate assistantship. Needless to say, I have been one hot mess all week.
This weekend is going to be torture. Will I know Monday? Tuesday? Tonight after everyone has left the office? I hate not knowing. Surprises are okay, but when my future hangs in the balance, I am not okay with handing control of my life over to someone else.
I guess I'll just have to keep waiting. I'll have to hear something eventually - right?
-AA
This weekend is going to be torture. Will I know Monday? Tuesday? Tonight after everyone has left the office? I hate not knowing. Surprises are okay, but when my future hangs in the balance, I am not okay with handing control of my life over to someone else.
I guess I'll just have to keep waiting. I'll have to hear something eventually - right?
-AA
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Day 185 - "Let My People Go!"
So the title's not a song lyric, but a line from the movie The Ten Commandments. I find it fitting given what I came across today.
I had just gotten home from work and was sorting through the eighty-some Twitter updates that I had on my phone since my break. One of them was from Poynter, linking to an article about internships. Specifically, about student journalists in internships in order to "gain professional experience."
I was intrigued, so I sat down at the computer to check out the article while still sifting through messages. That's when I came across an update from my college classmate Ashley, who had already blogged about it on her website. (I guess news travels fast when things are retweeted - is that even a legitimate word?)
Here's the point: major publishers, such as HuffPost and the NY Times, are using student journalists and interns to create content for websites and the like after buying out contracts for hundreds of professional, established writers. Okay, you may say, that's good that these students are networking and getting experience, yadah yadah yadah.
This is where it gets hairy - they are not being compensated for their work.
For example, journalism students at NYU have been enlisted to help the Times create a new blog called "The Local East Village." The students are writing, editing, photographing, and working with a deputy metropolitan editor from the Times as - get this - a part of a class called "The Hyperlocal Newsroom."
Excuse me?
Basically, student journalists and interns across the country are getting roped into (or forced if they are required to have an internship to graduate) these "programs" where they do the work of a professional journalist, one who has probably already been laid off or told that they have "become redundant," without appropriate compensation, and in many cases only a byline and clips for a portfolio.
As Ashley put it, this equates to modern day slavery. Work for no compensation? I don't think these students are looking for community service hours to work off a residence hall violation.
Some may argue that, well, these students are getting class credit for their work, which eventually turns into a degree and a line on a resume that could land them a paying position with a company that they once basically allowed to enslave them so that they could get through a course requirement in order to get a job in an industry that is about as unstable as they come right now.
Wrong. I was in one of those communications programs that required an internship, and I interned with a non-profit organization working on press releases, event management, and grant writing. I more than likely made the organization absolutely no money. I received course credit, but no monetary compensation, which doesn't bother me one bit. Why? Because I genuinely, professionally, benefitted from the experience. My supervisor took the time out of his schedule to make sure that I learned the skills necessary in order to succeed in the job world. That outweighed the monetary compensation that I could have received. It's like the old addage about the fish. Instead of eating now, I was taught to fish for a lifetime.
For these student journalists and interns, that's not the case. These companies aren't looking to create an educational experience, but instead are looking to create a quick buck with as little overhead as possible. And hey, if they can get some kid off the street who needs a couple of credit hours in order to graduate and they can write their way out of a paper bag, then hire him (a.k.a. enslave him) and not compensate him for his work.
The line needs to be drawn somewhere. Integrity is a huge part of the publishing industry, and how can we as media practitioners continue to hold our heads up and try to save our industry, our way of life, if our future colleagues are basically selling themselves into slavery for a couple of weeks, and then we turn our backs on them when they need a job the most?
This needs to come to an end. There are ways to create unpaid internships that are of benefit to both sides, but enslaving journalism students and recent graduates is not going to eliminate overhead, cut expenses, or save the industry. We have to save ourselves before we can save our craft.
-AA
I had just gotten home from work and was sorting through the eighty-some Twitter updates that I had on my phone since my break. One of them was from Poynter, linking to an article about internships. Specifically, about student journalists in internships in order to "gain professional experience."
I was intrigued, so I sat down at the computer to check out the article while still sifting through messages. That's when I came across an update from my college classmate Ashley, who had already blogged about it on her website. (I guess news travels fast when things are retweeted - is that even a legitimate word?)
Here's the point: major publishers, such as HuffPost and the NY Times, are using student journalists and interns to create content for websites and the like after buying out contracts for hundreds of professional, established writers. Okay, you may say, that's good that these students are networking and getting experience, yadah yadah yadah.
This is where it gets hairy - they are not being compensated for their work.
For example, journalism students at NYU have been enlisted to help the Times create a new blog called "The Local East Village." The students are writing, editing, photographing, and working with a deputy metropolitan editor from the Times as - get this - a part of a class called "The Hyperlocal Newsroom."
Excuse me?
Basically, student journalists and interns across the country are getting roped into (or forced if they are required to have an internship to graduate) these "programs" where they do the work of a professional journalist, one who has probably already been laid off or told that they have "become redundant," without appropriate compensation, and in many cases only a byline and clips for a portfolio.
As Ashley put it, this equates to modern day slavery. Work for no compensation? I don't think these students are looking for community service hours to work off a residence hall violation.
Some may argue that, well, these students are getting class credit for their work, which eventually turns into a degree and a line on a resume that could land them a paying position with a company that they once basically allowed to enslave them so that they could get through a course requirement in order to get a job in an industry that is about as unstable as they come right now.
Wrong. I was in one of those communications programs that required an internship, and I interned with a non-profit organization working on press releases, event management, and grant writing. I more than likely made the organization absolutely no money. I received course credit, but no monetary compensation, which doesn't bother me one bit. Why? Because I genuinely, professionally, benefitted from the experience. My supervisor took the time out of his schedule to make sure that I learned the skills necessary in order to succeed in the job world. That outweighed the monetary compensation that I could have received. It's like the old addage about the fish. Instead of eating now, I was taught to fish for a lifetime.
For these student journalists and interns, that's not the case. These companies aren't looking to create an educational experience, but instead are looking to create a quick buck with as little overhead as possible. And hey, if they can get some kid off the street who needs a couple of credit hours in order to graduate and they can write their way out of a paper bag, then hire him (a.k.a. enslave him) and not compensate him for his work.
The line needs to be drawn somewhere. Integrity is a huge part of the publishing industry, and how can we as media practitioners continue to hold our heads up and try to save our industry, our way of life, if our future colleagues are basically selling themselves into slavery for a couple of weeks, and then we turn our backs on them when they need a job the most?
This needs to come to an end. There are ways to create unpaid internships that are of benefit to both sides, but enslaving journalism students and recent graduates is not going to eliminate overhead, cut expenses, or save the industry. We have to save ourselves before we can save our craft.
-AA
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Day 178 - "Oh. My. God, Becky. Look at her -"
Student loans! You thought I was going to finish the song lyrics, weren't you?
I was reading through Yahoo! News this evening and I stumbled across this article. All I can say is that I'm glad I'm not this woman - or going to medical school or into default on my loans.
This makes me think twice about deferring my loans when and if I start graduate school. I already have a loan that, when I took it out, was $4,300. Now, with interest compounding on it for three years of college and the nine months since I've graduated, it's now almost a $9,000 loan. I have made some large payments on it since November, and I have yet to pay anything towards the original principle.
Not good, my friends. If this article isn't evidence of what is wrong with educational funding, then I would love to throw the expandafile of paperwork I have related to loans and how many ridiculous payments I am making every month but not sure where they go at someone who has the power to do something about it. My loans keep getting sold, sometimes to two different companies in a 24 hour time span.
Cripes. If I have learned anything, it's that I am not taking out any private or non-federal student loans. Ever. Again. It's not worth it - I'll live on generic macaroni and cheese while I finish my master's if it means not taking out loans.
-AA
I was reading through Yahoo! News this evening and I stumbled across this article. All I can say is that I'm glad I'm not this woman - or going to medical school or into default on my loans.
This makes me think twice about deferring my loans when and if I start graduate school. I already have a loan that, when I took it out, was $4,300. Now, with interest compounding on it for three years of college and the nine months since I've graduated, it's now almost a $9,000 loan. I have made some large payments on it since November, and I have yet to pay anything towards the original principle.
Not good, my friends. If this article isn't evidence of what is wrong with educational funding, then I would love to throw the expandafile of paperwork I have related to loans and how many ridiculous payments I am making every month but not sure where they go at someone who has the power to do something about it. My loans keep getting sold, sometimes to two different companies in a 24 hour time span.
Cripes. If I have learned anything, it's that I am not taking out any private or non-federal student loans. Ever. Again. It's not worth it - I'll live on generic macaroni and cheese while I finish my master's if it means not taking out loans.
-AA
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