Dear Miss Deer (at least, I think you were a Miss,)
I want to apologize for hitting you at 3:45 this morning. I do not have a vendetta against animals of any shape or size, but I must stress the importance of looking both ways before trying to cross the road. Sometimes, the things that hurt you the most are right beside you.
I just wanted to let you know that I really didn't mean to hit you; however, when you appear out of nowhere and we collide, it's going to hurt. I know that I'm not physically hurt and that you, unfortunately, didn't make it home today, but maybe you should've paid better attention to Mama Bambi.
In closing, I am glad that some combination of physics and free will helped you find your final spot in the grass on the side of the road and not in the middle of it. I hope you are running in greener pastures somewhere in the sky where little black Dodge Neons can't hurt you anymore. I am sorry, teenager-sized Miss Deer.
P.S. If you see that cat I hit a couple of weeks ago, please spread the message. Look both ways before crossing the road!
* * *
If you hadn't figured it out, I hit my first animal bigger than a house cat on my way to work this morning. Of course, what did I hit?
A teenager-sized, running out of a cornfield along side of my car and then deciding to cross the road as she's in my blind spot deer.
Here's what happened. I'm driving down the road at the perfectly legal speed of 45 miles per hour, when I see something at the very edge of my windshield. In the literal split second that it took me to hit the brakes, the deer hit my car at the headlight region on the front passenger's side, slowly folded on my car, and slid back off. At this point, I was straddling the center line and sitting at a bad point on a tiny hill, so I kick it into reverse and got back into my lane. Threw on the hazard lights and started to cry.
Did I mention that this was the first time I was the driver in any kind of major car accident?
Don't worry, I didn't suffer any injuries. After everything stopped, I dug out my phone and called work to tell them that I was (obviously) going to be a little late because I yet again clashed with a child of Mother Nature. My boss, after asking if I was alright (yes) and if the deer was alright (no, it's dead,) was very understanding.
When I finally got to work, I was so upset that I almost threw up. It didn't help that the State Highway Patrol was setting up a speed trap on my way to work and it was kind of obvious that I had hit something with my car. But I was closer to work than I was home, so off my little wounded road warrior and I trucked.
For those of you who have hit deers, you know what they can do to cars, especially lunchbox-on-wheels cars like mine. Broken windshields, crushed front ends, almost folded in half doors, the works. I don't know who was looking out for me this morning, but thank you.
Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you!
The damage report: a crack in my passenger-side headlight cover, a two-inch square missing piece of my headlight cover, a dent in the corner of the hood by the headlight, and a whole lot of muddy debris.
Pardon my French, but I was one lucky little shit.
My dad hasn't seen the car yet and we're waiting to call the insurance company until he has a look at it to see whether or not it's worth filing a claim with our deductible. Either way, my somewhat unbreakable little road warrior is going to have to see the medic, because that dent needs to come out and I need a new headlight cover.