Saturday, October 23, 2010

Day 426 - "Where Have You Been?!"

Before this post really gets rolling, I want to explain what is going on.  I've had a highly unusual week, and last night I needed a laugh or two.  One of my fellow Suite101 writers had posted this blog she had found called Cake Wreckers, and as my sisters and I gathered around Erin's MacBook to literally laugh until we cried and gripped our sides, I noticed that their blog of pictures and witty sarcastic commentary could be a fun experiment.  Definitely need to check out these guys - they are hilarious.  The End.

So, to explain where I've been this week, here is my week in revue - complete with pictures and very bad Microsoft Paint artwork!

Back, in a land known as October 17, 2010, our story begins...

My mom left for Grandma's house to spend the week with her because Aunt Judy and Uncle Mike are selling their house in North Canton and officially moving in to take care of Grandma.

"I don't know how we'll escape an attack from the Octopus Sun, Grandma!"
"Well, we'll just have to wait and see, won't we?"

Mommy was staying the whole week, which meant that I was left with Daddy and his cowboy movies that he watches obsessively, and Katie with a butt-load of language arts homework that was never explained to her at school so I had to teach her eighth grade grammar.  Round 'em up, little doggies!  Them linkin' and action verbs are a gonna escape if we don do sumthin'!

Monday evening rolls around, and this is where all of the fun really gets going.  You see, this is our computer.  Well, it's the most least relevant part of it, because the part that really pissed me off is now destroyed on my dad's workbench.  He got a little curious.

When I was attempting to play on Facebook Monday evening, the monitor went caput.  We bought our monitor when flat screen monitors first came out, so the thing was at least 5 years old and had been flickering in and out on us for a couple of weeks, but always came back on.  RIP, power cord that was older than the old monitor.  Well, maybe.

Blardy Blardy Blar, don't we look so sweet and innocent?  Well, except for the FAN OF DOOM!

After I got off work on Tuesday morning, I went to Grandma's to explain what was going on.  That's when I talked Mommy into $13 in mostly gold dollar coins and quarters to buy a new power cord for the monitor.  I was broke as a joke so there was no way that I was paying for it.

I installed the Power Cord of Wonder, went to turn on the monitor and...nothing.

Still freakin' dead.

It's the amazing Harry Potter lightning bolt power cord OF FAILURE!!!!!
 So my dad, who is going through withdraw because he can't get on Facebook or check his email or watch obscure guitar players on YouTube, tells me that I need to find a laptop to hook up downstairs until we can get a new monitor.  Actually, I'm thinking that he was hoping for a Mac, but fat chance dude, you're only getting a monitor.

Wednesday.  Katie had gotten Erin's old Dell from Hell out of the closet and we decided that it was going to be our next victim.  My parents had bought Erin the Dell from Hell for her freshman year of college, and when it caught a virus and the computer started talking to her, well, it got stashed in the closet.  Erin transferred colleges and bought her Mac at the Kent State bookstore.

Not only will I talk to you in the middle of the night in low, freakishly creepy tones, but I will also slam my devilish lid on Ashley's toes!

The Dell from Hell worked just fine until I put it away a couple of hours ago.  Thank goodness it didn't do any random talking to me, or I would have thrown it across the room.

On Thursday, I had to work until one in the afternoon, and when I went to check my text messages I noticed that they stopped at 7:30 A.M.  That's highly unusual, because between Twitter and friends, I always have text messages.  My phone vibrates constantly.

Guess what?  Mommy hadn't paid the cell phone bill yet, and AT&T graciously reminded us about it by turning off our cell phone service.  Oh, just what I always wanted!

Not only am I useless AND angry, but I'll also set your printer and iPod dock on FIRE!!!!!!!

My dad pestered me all day Friday about when the monitor was going to come.  In the short two hours that he was home and awake yesterday afternoon, I went from the happy Ashley in my profile picture to something a little horrible looking.


Today.  Sweet, sweet Saturday.  The monitor was supposed to arrive, and after bickering with my dad about proof of delivery options for the stupid thing, I stayed home and piddled around looking for a birthday present for my boyfriend (whose birthday was yesterday, but since I didn't get paid until this morning I had a whole lot of no money for anything besides a bouncy ball out of one of those quarter machines at the grocery store.)  The FedEx man delivered the monitor with a cheery "I bet you've been waiting for this."

No. Kidding.  Dude.

So, here it is, our blessed new 20", wide screen, energy efficient $100 special Dell monitor, complete with my sister Katie:

In the name of all things holy, THANK YOU FEDEX MAN!

Granted, I almost killed my mom's Christmas cactus in the corner when I tried to set it up, and almost called Dell tech support before realizing that I hadn't pushed the power cord in all of the way, but it's alive.  If I could figure out how to cue the Hallelujah Chorus at this point in the blog, I would.

Now, if only my cell phone service would kick back on.  Everyone else's service is back on except for mine.


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