Well, I've had eight days to try to move on past the rejection letter. It was a pretty hard gut shot to take, especially since I had been waiting for months for something, whether it was a letter or a smoke signal off in the distance.
As usual, I spent a lot of time last week thinking about what I could have done better. Could I have reread that admissions essay one more time? Could I have highlighted one more bullet point on my resume? Could I, way back during my very first semester of college, taken that American Musical Theater class pass/fail so that my GPA broke the 3.5 mark?
Or, as another wild thought I entertained convinced me, could I have been telling myself that this was the place I needed to be when I really wasn't being true to myself?
I've never been good at handling rejection when it's something that I really want. I am my own worst critic's inspiration, beating myself down for every little thing that goes wrong. It is never anyone else's fault; I'm too independent to admit that it could just be that things were not meant to work out this way and that there is somewhere bigger and better for me. I just have to find it - fast.
So, for now, the plan is to apply to Kent State's higher ed administration program. It's not my dream plan, but the plus side is that I can live at home, which saves me money, and I know people already in the program. My sister will also be at Kent, so I know I won't be completely alone.
I guess that this rejection notice is some sort of life lesson. When I was applying to colleges during my senior year of high school, I didn't get into my first choice. As a matter of fact, the school that is now my college alma mater was my fourth choice school - out of the four schools I applied to. But you know what? Looking back, I don't think I would have been as happy at any of the other schools as I was at my alma mater. Maybe there's a lesson to be learned from this, something that I'm too young and inexperienced to see at this point in my life.