Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Day 283 - "And You're Tryin', But You Can't Hold On Anymore"

Well, I've had eight days to try to move on past the rejection letter.  It was a pretty hard gut shot to take, especially since I had been waiting for months for something, whether it was a letter or a smoke signal off in the distance.

As usual, I spent a lot of time last week thinking about what I could have done better.  Could I have reread that admissions essay one more time?  Could I have highlighted one more bullet point on my resume?  Could I, way back during my very first semester of college, taken that American Musical Theater class pass/fail so that my GPA broke the 3.5 mark? 

Or, as another wild thought I entertained convinced me, could I have been telling myself that this was the place I needed to be when I really wasn't being true to myself?

I've never been good at handling rejection when it's something that I really want.  I am my own worst critic's inspiration, beating myself down for every little thing that goes wrong.  It is never anyone else's fault; I'm too independent to admit that it could just be that things were not meant to work out this way and that there is somewhere bigger and better for me.  I just have to find it - fast.

So, for now, the plan is to apply to Kent State's higher ed administration program.  It's not my dream plan, but the plus side is that I can live at home, which saves me money, and I know people already in the program.  My sister will also be at Kent, so I know I won't be completely alone.

I guess that this rejection notice is some sort of life lesson.  When I was applying to colleges during my senior year of high school, I didn't get into my first choice.  As a matter of fact, the school that is now my college alma mater was my fourth choice school - out of the four schools I applied to.  But you know what?  Looking back, I don't think I would have been as happy at any of the other schools as I was at my alma mater.  Maybe there's a lesson to be learned from this, something that I'm too young and inexperienced to see at this point in my life.



  1. Hey, Ashley -- I'm a fellow Suite101 writer. I wanted to drop you a note to let you know I've been following your blog. I can also totally relate to your experience with grad schools and rejection in general. I had my heart set on getting into a PhD program about five years ago. I had a 3.98 cumulative GPA and good GRE scores, including a perfect score in writing, but I was still rejected. I've since experienced a number of rejections in the work world. I think it's all just life experience, though that's easier to say when you are not in the midst of it. You are such a bright, articulate, and kind person. It's the school's loss. Seriously. Best wishes to you.

  2. Ashley,

    I also pop over to your blog on a semi-regular basis. (We sorority girls have to stick together!)

    I truly believe that everything happens for a reason. I can say that with 20 more years of life experience under my belt that includes both soaring successes and devastating denials.

    You mention faith in your profile so I'll share this and hope it is ok. Every single big thing I've ever wanted and not gotten has proved to be the best for me with the perspective of time. I continually pray that God will keep me from making big mistakes and missing His best for my life. I pray that God will provide you with wisdom and discernment for the days ahead.