Ten years is a long time.
A lot can happen in ten years. Friends can grow up, get married, and have children. Neighbors can move on. Great things can be accomplished by great people.
A country can be forever changed in the span of ten years.
Today, as the world is aware, is the tenth anniversary of the September 11 terrorist attacks that took the lives of nearly 3000 innocent people, going about their daily lives in a country that no one - not even those hundreds of thousands of miles away from those streets in Manhattan, in Washington, or in that field in Pennsylvania - would imagine ever happening.
I was a freshman in high school on September 11, 2001, more concerned with remembering water and my music for Tuesday's after school marching band practice than a terrorist attack. It was a beautiful day, albeit a little warm. We were all more concerned with our lives than the fact that we were teetering on the edge of a defining moment of our generation's lifetime. We were high school students, thinking about dates and homework and the upcoming football game Friday night.
I was in Mr. Bost's fourth period health class when I heard the news. We were taking notes on proper nutrition, about lipids and cholesterol I think, when our circa-1960s PA system crackled to life. "Teachers, please excuse the interruption," said Mr. Green, our principal. Mr. Green always whistled slightly when he pronounced "s" sounds, which came through sounding like a faint high-pitched breeze passing by the speaker.
He didn't try to sugar coat the situation. Mr. Green always believed that, as high school students, we were young adults and didn't need to have things dumbed down for us. At that time, both towers had been hit and the first tower had just collapsed.
At that single moment, sitting in a darkened classroom that served as both the health and mechanical drawing room, our lives changed forever.
Teachers tried to keep the school day on as much of a regular schedule as possible for the rest of the day. The marching band still went outside and practiced our new show for Friday night's game. When a helicopter flew over the school, however, all 110 of us stopped playing and marching on a dime. It was the only time I remember that happening.
By the time lunch ended, our school was in a low-level lock down. Students went straight to class without stopping at lockers or to socialize. Hardly anyone left class to use the restroom. Teachers kept their classroom doors shut, window blinds down, and lights dimmed. At the end of the day, everyone except the football team and the band went straight home. Games, practices, and meetings were cancelled.
In the days following the 9/11 terrorist attacks, we would learn that the plane that crashed in Pennsylvania had flown over our school before crashing into an empty field 80 miles north of Pittsburgh. Even as teenagers, we soon comprehended that it could have been us. We could have been a part of the scene on September 11, 2001, on center stage as a tragedy in which none of us wanted to take the lead. Most of us had never been to New York City, but the reality that it could have been our school hit it closer to home.
In the ten years since then, those of us in that high school have changed a lot, as coming of age in a time of war and fear does to anyone. Some of my classmates have been to Iraq and Afghanistan and seen combat firsthand. Others have lost loved ones during this ten-year war. Others yet have gone on to other noble and great causes, but we all remember that day - the announcement, the confusion, and the end of our childhood innocence in the blink of an eye. We remember classmates crying in hallways, and fellow freshman Jesse standing at attention, playing taps on the band practice field after school that day as we all stood in silence.
So what happens now? In ten years, our country has changed tremendously. We as individuals have changed tremendously.
All I can hope is that, in the next ten years, we as a nation and a world are able to find some semblance of peace, that this war comes to an end and that we all absorb and apply the lessons we learned ten years ago to our every day lives. I hope that the families of those who lost loved ones on that fateful Tuesday morning can lay down to sleep at night and, as memories of their loved ones dance on the edges of their memories, that their loss has taught the world something about itself, about humanity, and about our relationships with one another.
God bless.
-AA
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Day 646 - How Do You Explain What Cannot Be Explained?
Today was one of those days where being the older and wiser sibling wasn't easy.
Katie, my younger sister, came home today saying that the brother of one of her classmates had tried committing suicide last week. According to the letter that the superintendent sent home, the young man is physically no longer able to be brought back to who he used to be. He's in a vegetative state. Too much damage had been done to his body, to the point where the young man his friends and classmates knew and loved isn't coming back.
Unfortunately, there's not much I could say. What do you say? Not much, I found. None of us could say much of anything. This young man had been struggling with depression, but even with the support of his family, friends, faith, and everyone around him, how do you explain to a fourteen year old that, sometimes, people you know and care about don't always get to live an entire life.
This is one thing that makes being an adult rough.
I really don't know what to say at this point in this post. Beyond hugs and love, what do you say? I'm not a parent by a long shot, but I do know how it feels to lose a classmate and friend - I lost one in both my high school and college graduating classes. But how do you relay those feelings to someone who is a part of a generation that knows and understands so much more about the world than my peers and I knew when we were eighth graders, but is still far from adulthood? I don't understand completely understand what she's going through, but I can relate. At this stage in life, is relating all I can do? Where does the line between childhood and adulthood get drawn in this case?
All I can hope is that, in the coming days, Katie and her classmates, along with the friends of this young man, can begin to find some solace in each other to begin to heal. While I don't think that there is much that can be said from those of us who are adults in various stages of life, that there is something to be said in the silence that may fall over homes and conversations in the coming days; sometimes not knowing what to say is the most grown-up thing that you can say at a time like this.
-AA
Katie, my younger sister, came home today saying that the brother of one of her classmates had tried committing suicide last week. According to the letter that the superintendent sent home, the young man is physically no longer able to be brought back to who he used to be. He's in a vegetative state. Too much damage had been done to his body, to the point where the young man his friends and classmates knew and loved isn't coming back.
Unfortunately, there's not much I could say. What do you say? Not much, I found. None of us could say much of anything. This young man had been struggling with depression, but even with the support of his family, friends, faith, and everyone around him, how do you explain to a fourteen year old that, sometimes, people you know and care about don't always get to live an entire life.
This is one thing that makes being an adult rough.
I really don't know what to say at this point in this post. Beyond hugs and love, what do you say? I'm not a parent by a long shot, but I do know how it feels to lose a classmate and friend - I lost one in both my high school and college graduating classes. But how do you relay those feelings to someone who is a part of a generation that knows and understands so much more about the world than my peers and I knew when we were eighth graders, but is still far from adulthood? I don't understand completely understand what she's going through, but I can relate. At this stage in life, is relating all I can do? Where does the line between childhood and adulthood get drawn in this case?
All I can hope is that, in the coming days, Katie and her classmates, along with the friends of this young man, can begin to find some solace in each other to begin to heal. While I don't think that there is much that can be said from those of us who are adults in various stages of life, that there is something to be said in the silence that may fall over homes and conversations in the coming days; sometimes not knowing what to say is the most grown-up thing that you can say at a time like this.
-AA
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Day 628 - Eleven Days Post Plans Going to Pot
Well, I'm beginning to become very familiar with this back to square one state of mind. I'm not sure if I like it.
It's been eleven days since I got that nerve-wracking email saying that my application had finally been denied. At first, I was upset. After all, I had been researching where I was going to live, things to do in and around Athens, and the professors that I might have been working with. And, with one little email, all of the time spent getting excited about the next leap and life suddenly became a waste of time.
So, what have I been doing the past eleven days? Well, I was disappointed, but I think that deep down I had come to the realization that I wasn't getting in a while ago. As much as it seems counterproductive to being a confident young woman, I've grown tired of setting myself up for disappointment in this arena. For once, I've lowered my expectations and, unfortunately, have gotten what I've expected.
Maybe that's part of the problem.
I've also been thinking about where to go from here. I can't continue to go on like this, so something needs to start happening.
Unfortunately, that someone may just be my spirit.
-AA
It's been eleven days since I got that nerve-wracking email saying that my application had finally been denied. At first, I was upset. After all, I had been researching where I was going to live, things to do in and around Athens, and the professors that I might have been working with. And, with one little email, all of the time spent getting excited about the next leap and life suddenly became a waste of time.
So, what have I been doing the past eleven days? Well, I was disappointed, but I think that deep down I had come to the realization that I wasn't getting in a while ago. As much as it seems counterproductive to being a confident young woman, I've grown tired of setting myself up for disappointment in this arena. For once, I've lowered my expectations and, unfortunately, have gotten what I've expected.
Maybe that's part of the problem.
I've also been thinking about where to go from here. I can't continue to go on like this, so something needs to start happening.
- Get a new job As in, saying peace out to the Job from Hell. I can't stay there for another school year, dealing with all of the drama and generally useless feeling I get every time I clock in. I want to throw things at people, and that isn't going to get me anywhere except fired, which won't pay the bills.
- Get into graduate school - at any cost I've exhausted my options in the state of Ohio; I've come to that realization. At the same time, though, I can't continue to just apply to one or two schools at a time. Granted, I'm getting closer and closer to a definitive acceptance letter, but this is game face time. I'm to the point that if I don't get in now, then I have no clue what I'm going to do about recommendations and references, let alone trying to continue to finance this whole application process.
- Get out there I need to start submitting to literary journals and magazines again. I need to learn to deal with rejection. I know that not everyone is not going to like what I write, but I'll never know if I don't continue to put it in front of them.
Unfortunately, that someone may just be my spirit.
-AA
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Day 617 - The Results Are In
Final decision for application to Ohio University's MA in creative writing program:
Denied.
-AA
Denied.
-AA
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Day 607 - Is This Where I Wanted To Be?
A college classmate of mine celebrated her birthday earlier this week and blogged about her life plan. She shared with those who were willing to read along about her plans for life when she was eighteen, where she saw herself by this point in her life, and what really happened in the grand scheme of things.
It made me think. What happened to my "life plan?"
If I remember right, it went something a little like this:
Wah, wah, waaaaah.
The teaching thing didn't work out, as we all know. I lasted a month in Ashland University's teacher education program, before a combination of bad field experiences, overwhelming feelings, and a lack of genuine dedication to the profession caused me to drop out of the program. My heart was with my writing, and I followed it knowing that job prospects wouldn't be falling into my lap any time soon. In reality, though, I couldn't see me forcing myself to go to work everyday in a position that I truly wasn't passionate about. I just couldn't do it.
Instead, I went through four years of college and earned a degree while learning from a wide variety of people. Those who I learned the most from were those that I highly respected outside of the teaching realm; they were fantastic writers, mentors, and motivators. It was something I hadn't thought about when I jotted "creative writing" down as a major on college applications. But what I did learn has pushed me further than I can imagine, including abandoning those fiction novels for something that I was "born to write," as one of my professors told me.
At twenty-four, I didn't imagine myself being a college graduate working two jobs just to pay the bills, madly in love with someone I've been dating for almost a decade (okay, maybe I did imagine that,) and teetering on the edge of a decision that could change my life both professionally and casually for the rest of my life. I didn't imagine having an online presence as a writer, or even making a living by writing for something that has gone from almost nothing to almost everything in the span of my short lifetime.
So, what about the plan?
Well, I've never been good at keeping long term plans. I never did write outlines for stories or papers, keep work out plans, and I have an editorial plan for Suite101 that I am almost three weeks behind on. One thing I do know, though, is that the plans I keep are the ones that unfold naturally, the ones that I usually don't discover until I'm in the midst of them, and the ones that teach me the most in the end. And while I'm not married, a teacher, or living in my perfect little house living the life that I planned for when I was on the verge of graduating from high school, the eighteen year old Ashley and the twenty-four year old Ashley are two beings that are hard to imagine are the same person. Ditching "the plan," or more realistically forgetting about it, probably worked out best in the end.
As these next couple of weeks unfold, I guess I'll see where "the plan," as it stands for the next five minutes, takes me next.
-AA
It made me think. What happened to my "life plan?"
If I remember right, it went something a little like this:
- Be a teacher. I was going to graduate from college and be the best creative writing and journalism teacher in the world. You know, the kind that they make movies about after they've retired about how they inspired people to love a subject/live life/succeed in the worst of circumstances. I was going to teach students how to embrace writing and all that it can do for the mind, the soul, and everything else.
- Publish a book. I was going to have books published and be a best-selling author of fiction novels. After all, there was another guy in my high school graduating class that challenged me to a race to the top of the NYT's best sellers list, and I'm too competitive to lose.
- Get married and live happily ever after. I was going to be married soon - I didn't have a specific date, but quickly - and we were going to live happily ever after. The End.
Wah, wah, waaaaah.
The teaching thing didn't work out, as we all know. I lasted a month in Ashland University's teacher education program, before a combination of bad field experiences, overwhelming feelings, and a lack of genuine dedication to the profession caused me to drop out of the program. My heart was with my writing, and I followed it knowing that job prospects wouldn't be falling into my lap any time soon. In reality, though, I couldn't see me forcing myself to go to work everyday in a position that I truly wasn't passionate about. I just couldn't do it.
Instead, I went through four years of college and earned a degree while learning from a wide variety of people. Those who I learned the most from were those that I highly respected outside of the teaching realm; they were fantastic writers, mentors, and motivators. It was something I hadn't thought about when I jotted "creative writing" down as a major on college applications. But what I did learn has pushed me further than I can imagine, including abandoning those fiction novels for something that I was "born to write," as one of my professors told me.
At twenty-four, I didn't imagine myself being a college graduate working two jobs just to pay the bills, madly in love with someone I've been dating for almost a decade (okay, maybe I did imagine that,) and teetering on the edge of a decision that could change my life both professionally and casually for the rest of my life. I didn't imagine having an online presence as a writer, or even making a living by writing for something that has gone from almost nothing to almost everything in the span of my short lifetime.
So, what about the plan?
Well, I've never been good at keeping long term plans. I never did write outlines for stories or papers, keep work out plans, and I have an editorial plan for Suite101 that I am almost three weeks behind on. One thing I do know, though, is that the plans I keep are the ones that unfold naturally, the ones that I usually don't discover until I'm in the midst of them, and the ones that teach me the most in the end. And while I'm not married, a teacher, or living in my perfect little house living the life that I planned for when I was on the verge of graduating from high school, the eighteen year old Ashley and the twenty-four year old Ashley are two beings that are hard to imagine are the same person. Ditching "the plan," or more realistically forgetting about it, probably worked out best in the end.
As these next couple of weeks unfold, I guess I'll see where "the plan," as it stands for the next five minutes, takes me next.
-AA
Monday, April 18, 2011
Day 602 - Waiting By the Mailbox in the Mud, Take Two
Yes, I know that it is impossible to get anything in the mail about graduate school today. After all, decision day was just Friday, and I'm sure that they're allowing a couple of days to account for the post office.
It goes back to that antsy feeling I talked about in my last post. I want something to genuinely look forward to, something exciting. I need an adventure, and hopefully that adventure will get me out of the mud that I feel hopelessly stuck in.
In other news, I've been researching places to live in Athens, and it looks like I may be a graduate student living on campus, at least for my first year. My first choice of living options gives first priority to students who are married with children, and while that is something I look forward to in the distant future, it is not a role within society that I will willingly fulfill right now. Wolf Street Apartments are out, at least for now. Right now, my only option looks like a dorm, or as the university calls it a house, that is meant for graduate students and undergrads over the age of 21. While dorm life may not exactly be glamorous, at least I'll have a room to myself. Not that I don't have that already, but it's better than living out of my car.
We'll have to see what the next two weeks brings. Hopefully that adventure I've been working really hard to start.
-AA
It goes back to that antsy feeling I talked about in my last post. I want something to genuinely look forward to, something exciting. I need an adventure, and hopefully that adventure will get me out of the mud that I feel hopelessly stuck in.
In other news, I've been researching places to live in Athens, and it looks like I may be a graduate student living on campus, at least for my first year. My first choice of living options gives first priority to students who are married with children, and while that is something I look forward to in the distant future, it is not a role within society that I will willingly fulfill right now. Wolf Street Apartments are out, at least for now. Right now, my only option looks like a dorm, or as the university calls it a house, that is meant for graduate students and undergrads over the age of 21. While dorm life may not exactly be glamorous, at least I'll have a room to myself. Not that I don't have that already, but it's better than living out of my car.
We'll have to see what the next two weeks brings. Hopefully that adventure I've been working really hard to start.
-AA
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Day 598 - Cabin Fever
It's April 14th, and even though I know that cabin fever is something people typically get in the winter, I'm feeling antsy.
It's not the "I want to go out and be in the sunshine" kind of antsy, either. It's the "I want to get the heck out of here" kind of antsy; the kind of antsy that one gets when they've been in one place doing the same thing over and over and over again for way too long. It's like the little airplane gliders that the men with unusual accents used to peddle at the mall when I was a little kid. They had their freedom because they could fly around the mall, diving in and out of crowds of shoppers, but they could only go as far as the radio controller's signal would go. Once the signal died out, the plane crashed and risked being broken.
In a way, I feel like those airplanes. I'm technically free to do what I want - I could go out tomorrow and buy a new car, rent an apartment, quit the Job from Hell and pretend like I don't have a care in the world. That is, until that radio signal, a.k.a. life, comes back and bites me in the butt. I need something to get excited about, something to look forward to, and most of all, something to get me away from the Job from Hell before I actually begin to believe that I'm back in high school again. Not something I am chomping at the bit to repeat at this point in my life.
I wonder if it's just me feeling like I'm stuck in limbo between college and who knows what will come next, or if this is typical of a 24 year old to feel like you're there, you've made it - but not quite yet. I feel like I'm playing a giant game of limbo right now, and as the bar is being lowered closer and closer to the ground, I feel more anxious with each passing day because, in my opinion, I don't know what the next day is going to bring.
Maybe I'm just over analyzing. I have a tendency - scratch that, I have a very bad habit - of doing so.
-AA
It's not the "I want to go out and be in the sunshine" kind of antsy, either. It's the "I want to get the heck out of here" kind of antsy; the kind of antsy that one gets when they've been in one place doing the same thing over and over and over again for way too long. It's like the little airplane gliders that the men with unusual accents used to peddle at the mall when I was a little kid. They had their freedom because they could fly around the mall, diving in and out of crowds of shoppers, but they could only go as far as the radio controller's signal would go. Once the signal died out, the plane crashed and risked being broken.
In a way, I feel like those airplanes. I'm technically free to do what I want - I could go out tomorrow and buy a new car, rent an apartment, quit the Job from Hell and pretend like I don't have a care in the world. That is, until that radio signal, a.k.a. life, comes back and bites me in the butt. I need something to get excited about, something to look forward to, and most of all, something to get me away from the Job from Hell before I actually begin to believe that I'm back in high school again. Not something I am chomping at the bit to repeat at this point in my life.
I wonder if it's just me feeling like I'm stuck in limbo between college and who knows what will come next, or if this is typical of a 24 year old to feel like you're there, you've made it - but not quite yet. I feel like I'm playing a giant game of limbo right now, and as the bar is being lowered closer and closer to the ground, I feel more anxious with each passing day because, in my opinion, I don't know what the next day is going to bring.
Maybe I'm just over analyzing. I have a tendency - scratch that, I have a very bad habit - of doing so.
-AA
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Day 591 - One Month (And Then Some) Later
Okay, I know, I haven't been too good at this blogging thing lately. I've been working. A. Lot. When you average 80 hours a week between two jobs, it eats up time for other things, like blogging.
Graduate school results have rolled in through the snail mail - sort of. I was denied at Miami University, which was a little upsetting to me, but more so for a friend of mine who is a current grad student there. After a couple of cleansing breaths, I realized that I will end up where I need to be in the end, and that shedding more anxiety and tears over the situation is not going to get me accepted. Surprisingly, there was no breakdown like previous rejections; maybe it was because I had to wait a week and a half between letters, and I figured if I had waited so long for a letter telling me anything, that I wasn't going to get in. Or I'm getting used to being rejected. Or deep down I figured I wasn't going to get accepted in the first place, because I am truly my own worst critic. Gets me every time.
Ohio University, however, gave me better news. I am on the wait list for the fall class, but the university has to give the first round of accepted students until April 15 to accept their spots in the class and their assistantships, which I am also wait listed for. I'm trying to stay cautiously optimistic about OU; after all, if Miami denied me without considering my GRE scores and OU put me on the wait list with two bad scores and a great one, where does that put me?
On the other hand, I really just want to scream that I still have a chance. I haven't said much about it at the Job from Hell because I feel like I already take enough flack and I really don't find it necessary to put up with any more high school-ish antics because I'm getting the heck out of there if I'm officially accepted. Once I know either way, however, I'm going to make it known. If I'm feeling crafty, I may just make a giant banner that says, "Ashley's leaving here for graduate school!"
Okay, probably not, as that's awful conceited and not anything like my style. I'll just tell everyone I see that I'm going to graduate school and then be made to feel guilty all summer long because I refuse to be stuck there for the rest of my life.
Until then, I just have to keep ticking the days off the calendar until April 15. I figure they won't meet until mid-week to discuss the wait list, so I should know after Easter. Thank goodness the post office will still operate if the federal government goes into shut down.
-AA
Graduate school results have rolled in through the snail mail - sort of. I was denied at Miami University, which was a little upsetting to me, but more so for a friend of mine who is a current grad student there. After a couple of cleansing breaths, I realized that I will end up where I need to be in the end, and that shedding more anxiety and tears over the situation is not going to get me accepted. Surprisingly, there was no breakdown like previous rejections; maybe it was because I had to wait a week and a half between letters, and I figured if I had waited so long for a letter telling me anything, that I wasn't going to get in. Or I'm getting used to being rejected. Or deep down I figured I wasn't going to get accepted in the first place, because I am truly my own worst critic. Gets me every time.
Ohio University, however, gave me better news. I am on the wait list for the fall class, but the university has to give the first round of accepted students until April 15 to accept their spots in the class and their assistantships, which I am also wait listed for. I'm trying to stay cautiously optimistic about OU; after all, if Miami denied me without considering my GRE scores and OU put me on the wait list with two bad scores and a great one, where does that put me?
On the other hand, I really just want to scream that I still have a chance. I haven't said much about it at the Job from Hell because I feel like I already take enough flack and I really don't find it necessary to put up with any more high school-ish antics because I'm getting the heck out of there if I'm officially accepted. Once I know either way, however, I'm going to make it known. If I'm feeling crafty, I may just make a giant banner that says, "Ashley's leaving here for graduate school!"
Okay, probably not, as that's awful conceited and not anything like my style. I'll just tell everyone I see that I'm going to graduate school and then be made to feel guilty all summer long because I refuse to be stuck there for the rest of my life.
Until then, I just have to keep ticking the days off the calendar until April 15. I figure they won't meet until mid-week to discuss the wait list, so I should know after Easter. Thank goodness the post office will still operate if the federal government goes into shut down.
-AA
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Day 554 - Waiting By the Mailbox in the Mud
Today, as you are probably very well aware, is March 1st.
It is also the first day of "on March 1st or shortly after," which is when I am supposed to receive something about grad school admissions or - gulp - lack thereof.
Nothing came in the mail today, and I have taken to stalking the mail lady in hopes that a friendly envelope, the bigger the better, comes my way in the next couple of days.
For some reason, I feel unusually calm right now. Despite having a really bad cold, I don't feel antsy, anxious, or on the verge of tears.
Well, okay, now that I've said I feel calm, I don't. Once in a while, I feel that sense of panic rising in the back of my very sore throat, my pulse pick up, and that incredible sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. What if I don't get in? What if I'm stuck at Job from Hell for a third year after becoming a college graduate?
Okay, I'm going to stop. No need for a panic attack now.
Anyways, I'm hoping to hear something sooner than later. I want to know. I need to know.
More importantly, I need something, anything, to get me moving forward. I feel stuck and I don't like being stuck.
-AA
It is also the first day of "on March 1st or shortly after," which is when I am supposed to receive something about grad school admissions or - gulp - lack thereof.
Nothing came in the mail today, and I have taken to stalking the mail lady in hopes that a friendly envelope, the bigger the better, comes my way in the next couple of days.
For some reason, I feel unusually calm right now. Despite having a really bad cold, I don't feel antsy, anxious, or on the verge of tears.
Well, okay, now that I've said I feel calm, I don't. Once in a while, I feel that sense of panic rising in the back of my very sore throat, my pulse pick up, and that incredible sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. What if I don't get in? What if I'm stuck at Job from Hell for a third year after becoming a college graduate?
Okay, I'm going to stop. No need for a panic attack now.
Anyways, I'm hoping to hear something sooner than later. I want to know. I need to know.
More importantly, I need something, anything, to get me moving forward. I feel stuck and I don't like being stuck.
-AA
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Day 533 - Playing the Waiting Game
I got emails today from my prospective graduate schools saying that my application files had been completed and that I would be informed of a decision - and any assistantship offers - in "early to mid March."
Let the waiting game of anxiety and near mental break downs begin. I may want to work on my stress management in the meantime.
-AA
Let the waiting game of anxiety and near mental break downs begin. I may want to work on my stress management in the meantime.
-AA
Monday, January 10, 2011
Day 504 - Freedom!
Today, I have officially shed the last vestige of being a student.
I closed my student credit card. So long, Citi!
I took out this credit card right before I started college because I thought that (a) I needed to build my own credit for the future, (b) it would probably be safer to use online than my actual debit card, and (c) I thought I could handle the responsibility.
This little credit card traveled with me throughout my college career, took me to Pittsburgh with my sorority sisters, and saved me over the summer when my Blackberry got fried. It bought a computer monitor, an iPod, and some boring things like groceries and gas.
However, at a 19.9999% interest rate - that's right, there are four (4) of the number nine after that decimal point - the groceries, iPod, and new phone quickly added up. And, after a while, I got crabby at the prospect of being almost 24 years old and having this student credit card with a regular interest rate higher than the default rate on my Old Navy card.
So, today, I decided that I was going to make the final payment and chop the sucker up. It wasn't going to go that easy, I found.
First, I logged on to Citi's website to pay the bill. To my surprise, there's this big, red, angry-looking alert telling me that a merchant where I had used my card had had their database broken into and that I couldn't make a payment online. So, after some swearing and slamming of the mouse on the desk, I called Citi's customer service line.
And I waited.
And waited.
And listened to bad elevator music while I waited some more.
Finally, after I spent a mere fifteen minutes on the phone making that final payment, telling them that I didn't need a new card or account number, and reassuring them that yes, I do actually want to cancel the card, I was out of a credit card and I wanted to hit my head against the wall.
I understand that they're in the business of basically selling a financial reputation through a piece of plastic with a magnetic strip, but if I tell you that I am cancelling your service because of a ridiculously high interest rate and no, I don't want a new and "better" card, then quit trying to sell me all of your high-end credit cards, identity theft protection programs, CD accounts, and whatever the computer is suggesting you sell me in order to keep my account open.
However, as I pulled out a pair of scissors and started to cut through the numbers on my first ever credit card, I felt some satisfaction. It was time to shed that last vestige of student financial management and move onto the adult world. That credit card taught me a lot, but it's time to move on to bigger things and lower interest rates.
Citi Financial, I bid you farewell.
-AA
I closed my student credit card. So long, Citi!
I took out this credit card right before I started college because I thought that (a) I needed to build my own credit for the future, (b) it would probably be safer to use online than my actual debit card, and (c) I thought I could handle the responsibility.
This little credit card traveled with me throughout my college career, took me to Pittsburgh with my sorority sisters, and saved me over the summer when my Blackberry got fried. It bought a computer monitor, an iPod, and some boring things like groceries and gas.
However, at a 19.9999% interest rate - that's right, there are four (4) of the number nine after that decimal point - the groceries, iPod, and new phone quickly added up. And, after a while, I got crabby at the prospect of being almost 24 years old and having this student credit card with a regular interest rate higher than the default rate on my Old Navy card.
So, today, I decided that I was going to make the final payment and chop the sucker up. It wasn't going to go that easy, I found.
First, I logged on to Citi's website to pay the bill. To my surprise, there's this big, red, angry-looking alert telling me that a merchant where I had used my card had had their database broken into and that I couldn't make a payment online. So, after some swearing and slamming of the mouse on the desk, I called Citi's customer service line.
And I waited.
And waited.
And listened to bad elevator music while I waited some more.
Finally, after I spent a mere fifteen minutes on the phone making that final payment, telling them that I didn't need a new card or account number, and reassuring them that yes, I do actually want to cancel the card, I was out of a credit card and I wanted to hit my head against the wall.
I understand that they're in the business of basically selling a financial reputation through a piece of plastic with a magnetic strip, but if I tell you that I am cancelling your service because of a ridiculously high interest rate and no, I don't want a new and "better" card, then quit trying to sell me all of your high-end credit cards, identity theft protection programs, CD accounts, and whatever the computer is suggesting you sell me in order to keep my account open.
However, as I pulled out a pair of scissors and started to cut through the numbers on my first ever credit card, I felt some satisfaction. It was time to shed that last vestige of student financial management and move onto the adult world. That credit card taught me a lot, but it's time to move on to bigger things and lower interest rates.
Citi Financial, I bid you farewell.
-AA
Friday, December 31, 2010
Day 494 - Auld Lang Syne
Well, it was nice knowin' you, 2010.
Actually, this year has been a year of ups and downs. I've accomplished a lot. The last of three graduate school applications went out in the mail today, I faced the infamous GRE, and I got a promotion at Suite101. I wrote over 150 articles, didn't kill anyone at my Job from Hell, lost a little weight and saved absolutely no money, and to top it off, I stared down adulthood adversity and held my own.
All in all, I think I've done rather well.
As for 2011? I'm intrigued as to what it will bring. Graduate school? (Yes, please!) An end to the Job from Hell? Something big and shiny? Hopefully all of that and all of the love, happiness, laughs, and life lessons that 2010 has blessed us with.
Even though I'll be spending New Year's at home with my family and some of my dad's friends (my boyfriend's grandma is in the hospital, so we'll be celebrating his birthday, Christmas, our anniversary, and New Year's all at once sometime soon,) I'll be celebrating. After all, "for life is short but sweet for certain."
Cheers to 2010, and to having a new year filled with life, happiness, laughter and love.
-AA
Actually, this year has been a year of ups and downs. I've accomplished a lot. The last of three graduate school applications went out in the mail today, I faced the infamous GRE, and I got a promotion at Suite101. I wrote over 150 articles, didn't kill anyone at my Job from Hell, lost a little weight and saved absolutely no money, and to top it off, I stared down adulthood adversity and held my own.
All in all, I think I've done rather well.
As for 2011? I'm intrigued as to what it will bring. Graduate school? (Yes, please!) An end to the Job from Hell? Something big and shiny? Hopefully all of that and all of the love, happiness, laughs, and life lessons that 2010 has blessed us with.
Even though I'll be spending New Year's at home with my family and some of my dad's friends (my boyfriend's grandma is in the hospital, so we'll be celebrating his birthday, Christmas, our anniversary, and New Year's all at once sometime soon,) I'll be celebrating. After all, "for life is short but sweet for certain."
Cheers to 2010, and to having a new year filled with life, happiness, laughter and love.
-AA
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Day 470 - Maybe It Wasn't So Bad?
I got my "certified" scores back from the GRE, and well, I'm two for three on meeting my target scores. Maybe I didn't do as badly as I thought I did?
I got a 5.5 out of 6 on the analytical writing section, which means I probably missed a comma somewhere in one of my essays and therefore didn't have "perfect grammar." But hey, at least I don't look like a total mental midget on paper!
Maybe I just overreacted after the test, which is a good possibility. I am one of the first to admit that I am an overachiever, I am a perfectionist (sort of,) and I always expect 100% out of myself - even if that means beating myself up mentally and physically in order to get what I want.
The one thing that stands out, however, is that I have lost all ability to take a standardized test. Granted, I didn't have that much of an ability in the first place. All throughout elementary school, middle school, and high school I would get high scores on those silly "proficency tests," but they were never in proportion to my actual grade point average. In fact, there was one year where I was getting a B+ in the most advanced math class for my grade and barely scored in the "proficient" range on the silly standardized test.
And yes, I did look that up. Thank you, Mom, for keeping all of this stuff nice and organized.
I guess I don't have much left to do for graduate school before the anxiety-ridden wait begins. I just have to come up with $50 for each application, $24 for transcripts, and a whole lot in postage and paper. If I think about it, graduate school is already starting to cost a lot of money - and I haven't even been accepted yet!
-AA
I got a 5.5 out of 6 on the analytical writing section, which means I probably missed a comma somewhere in one of my essays and therefore didn't have "perfect grammar." But hey, at least I don't look like a total mental midget on paper!
Maybe I just overreacted after the test, which is a good possibility. I am one of the first to admit that I am an overachiever, I am a perfectionist (sort of,) and I always expect 100% out of myself - even if that means beating myself up mentally and physically in order to get what I want.
The one thing that stands out, however, is that I have lost all ability to take a standardized test. Granted, I didn't have that much of an ability in the first place. All throughout elementary school, middle school, and high school I would get high scores on those silly "proficency tests," but they were never in proportion to my actual grade point average. In fact, there was one year where I was getting a B+ in the most advanced math class for my grade and barely scored in the "proficient" range on the silly standardized test.
And yes, I did look that up. Thank you, Mom, for keeping all of this stuff nice and organized.
I guess I don't have much left to do for graduate school before the anxiety-ridden wait begins. I just have to come up with $50 for each application, $24 for transcripts, and a whole lot in postage and paper. If I think about it, graduate school is already starting to cost a lot of money - and I haven't even been accepted yet!
-AA
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Day 468 - Excuse Me?
I had logged onto the Internet today and I found this article cued up in Yahoo!'s little news reel:
"Student's Loan Debt: $200,000"
Um, excuse me? Did I just read $200,000?
Yes, I did. The article follows Kelli Space, 23, who graduated from Northeastern University in 2009 with a shiny new BA in sociology and a monthly student loan obligation of $891 a month. Her monthly loan payments will nearly double next November, when her monthly payments are expected to increase to $1,600 a month.
At that point in the article, I wanted to pull Kelli out of my computer screen, smack her across the face, and tell her what it's like to have $1,026 in monthly student loan obligations right out of the gate. Yeah, Kelli Space who works one full time job and set up a donation website to help her pay back her loans, suck it up. You get a profile on Yahoo! Finance while I've taken a little over $4,300 out of my savings account in 2010 alone just to cover my student loan debts. Beat that, says my diminishing financial reserves. I work two full time jobs and still can barely pay my loan bills, let alone those credit card bills for things like gas to get to work that I've been paying with money out of my savings account. I've even taken to adding Google Adsense to "The Years Spent PC" to maybe earn a little extra cash.
Yet, there's a part of me that wants to empathize with Kelli and turn around and tell the people commenting on the article calling it "liberal bullshit" and telling people that "if you can't cover the cost of attendance with gift aid and federal loans, then you shouldn't be going to such an expensive school" just what is up. Let's review the situation I was in six years ago.
When I was a senior in high school, I applied to four schools, which shall remain anonymous. I was denied admission to school #1, which was a private out-of-state university that would have tacked on surcharges because I was an out-of-state student.
School #2, an arts school with a writing program, offered me a full ride package that included federal loans, but no need for private loans. The school was in a huge metropolitan area known for publishing houses, so I could have had it all right at my finger tips. However, I was forced to turn down said full ride because my dad was afraid I'd get mugged within the first 15 minutes of being on campus.
School #3 was a state school that fell under a tuition increase cap, meaning that it could only increase tuition at a maximum rate of 5% or so per academic year. Despite this school being the cheapest of them all, I was awarded $1500 in financial aid, no federal loans, and was told that I'd have to make up the rest of my $15,000 balance for my freshman year in private loans.
School #4 was a private liberal arts school that later became my alma mater, offering me what started out to be 50% of the cost of attendance in financial aid my freshman year, with that same amount being a little more than a third of the cost by my senior year.
See the problem here, folks?
Yes, students should exercise caution when borrowing money for school. For some, starting at a community college in a non-terminal associates program and then transferring to a four year college or university is a great option (until you get to the four year school and realize you need to retake classes.) For another bunch, simply earning a professional certificate or an associate's degree is enough to get them into their field.
However, I take issue with people who believe that those who are studying anything besides business, engineering, or "high profile" majors should not be in college. What about those who graduate with teaching degrees? Every culture needs teachers, and in ours you have to go to college and earn your license to be a teacher - it's a fact of life. What about our nurses (medicine is considered "high profile")? What about our radio jockeys, journalists, politicians, hospitality managers, interior decorators, and artists?
Hell, what about our writers? You can't turn around in this world without being influenced by a writer. Should all of us who have aspirations beyond six figures and fancy business cards be excluded from a college education because the humanities, the arts, the social sciences, and education don't necessarily pay as well as business degrees?
It all boils down to this. Unless you're shouldering a mountain of student loan debt, take a look around before telling us who should and should not attend college. What we need instead of segregating our society into the educationally-entitled and the educationally-unentitled based on our future plans is some reform. Cap tuition costs, provide more aid, cap the maximum interest rate on student loans, extend repayment terms, something.
Because as I'm contemplating temporarily changing my repayment plan on my federal loans, any ounce of reform is better than nothing at all.
-AA
"Student's Loan Debt: $200,000"
Um, excuse me? Did I just read $200,000?
Yes, I did. The article follows Kelli Space, 23, who graduated from Northeastern University in 2009 with a shiny new BA in sociology and a monthly student loan obligation of $891 a month. Her monthly loan payments will nearly double next November, when her monthly payments are expected to increase to $1,600 a month.
At that point in the article, I wanted to pull Kelli out of my computer screen, smack her across the face, and tell her what it's like to have $1,026 in monthly student loan obligations right out of the gate. Yeah, Kelli Space who works one full time job and set up a donation website to help her pay back her loans, suck it up. You get a profile on Yahoo! Finance while I've taken a little over $4,300 out of my savings account in 2010 alone just to cover my student loan debts. Beat that, says my diminishing financial reserves. I work two full time jobs and still can barely pay my loan bills, let alone those credit card bills for things like gas to get to work that I've been paying with money out of my savings account. I've even taken to adding Google Adsense to "The Years Spent PC" to maybe earn a little extra cash.
Yet, there's a part of me that wants to empathize with Kelli and turn around and tell the people commenting on the article calling it "liberal bullshit" and telling people that "if you can't cover the cost of attendance with gift aid and federal loans, then you shouldn't be going to such an expensive school" just what is up. Let's review the situation I was in six years ago.
When I was a senior in high school, I applied to four schools, which shall remain anonymous. I was denied admission to school #1, which was a private out-of-state university that would have tacked on surcharges because I was an out-of-state student.
School #2, an arts school with a writing program, offered me a full ride package that included federal loans, but no need for private loans. The school was in a huge metropolitan area known for publishing houses, so I could have had it all right at my finger tips. However, I was forced to turn down said full ride because my dad was afraid I'd get mugged within the first 15 minutes of being on campus.
School #3 was a state school that fell under a tuition increase cap, meaning that it could only increase tuition at a maximum rate of 5% or so per academic year. Despite this school being the cheapest of them all, I was awarded $1500 in financial aid, no federal loans, and was told that I'd have to make up the rest of my $15,000 balance for my freshman year in private loans.
School #4 was a private liberal arts school that later became my alma mater, offering me what started out to be 50% of the cost of attendance in financial aid my freshman year, with that same amount being a little more than a third of the cost by my senior year.
See the problem here, folks?
Yes, students should exercise caution when borrowing money for school. For some, starting at a community college in a non-terminal associates program and then transferring to a four year college or university is a great option (until you get to the four year school and realize you need to retake classes.) For another bunch, simply earning a professional certificate or an associate's degree is enough to get them into their field.
However, I take issue with people who believe that those who are studying anything besides business, engineering, or "high profile" majors should not be in college. What about those who graduate with teaching degrees? Every culture needs teachers, and in ours you have to go to college and earn your license to be a teacher - it's a fact of life. What about our nurses (medicine is considered "high profile")? What about our radio jockeys, journalists, politicians, hospitality managers, interior decorators, and artists?
Hell, what about our writers? You can't turn around in this world without being influenced by a writer. Should all of us who have aspirations beyond six figures and fancy business cards be excluded from a college education because the humanities, the arts, the social sciences, and education don't necessarily pay as well as business degrees?
It all boils down to this. Unless you're shouldering a mountain of student loan debt, take a look around before telling us who should and should not attend college. What we need instead of segregating our society into the educationally-entitled and the educationally-unentitled based on our future plans is some reform. Cap tuition costs, provide more aid, cap the maximum interest rate on student loans, extend repayment terms, something.
Because as I'm contemplating temporarily changing my repayment plan on my federal loans, any ounce of reform is better than nothing at all.
-AA
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Day 463 - All Good Things Must Come to An End
Today is the last day of National Novel Writing Month. For me, it's the end of round two of the challenge to write 50,000 words in the thirty days of November.
Last year, I tore through the challenge like it was nothing. Granted, I had and still have a number of unfinished creative writing projects, and Suite101 was in the midst of a thirty articles in thirty days challenge that I was also taking part in. Including creative projects, work, and "The Years Spent PC," I had plenty of words to clear the 50K mark and print out my snazzy certificate, get my purple 2009 button for my National Novel Writing Month writer profile, and collect all of my goodies and bragging rights.
This year, my sorority little sister and I both decided to participate. After all, I had "won" last year with three days left in the month, so this year should be cake since I had already done the challenge once. Right?
Well, it's 6:50 P.M. EST, and I am exactly 8,000 words short of the golden 50K.
Yup, that's right, I don't think I'm going to slay this beast, folks.
I thought about ways I could win. I thought about going through my Twitter feed and copying all of my tweets for the month - after all, I had written every one of those words. I thought about all of the emails I had sent, the GRE essays I had written, and all of the extraneous words that I had penned throughout the past thirty days simply doing what I do every day. I even thought about calling off from the Job from Hell today to see if I could pull what was a total of 11,500 out of my butt before 11:59 tonight, but I realized that I would more than likely sleep in and lounge on the couch watching TLC all morning, eat lunch, and then find something else to occupy my time all afternoon until I realized the real reason I needed the day to myself.
Needless to say, I went to work today.
But then again, I've looked at everything I have done throughout the month and realized that, even though I won't get the cool little certificate to hang on my wall next to the one from last year, I have completed a challenge. I have written over 42,000 words (the word counter always adds words for some reason) on top of working 40 hours a week, studying for the biggest test of my life, and taking the GRE on top of it all. In addition, I've been writing for Suite101 and finishing up graduate school applications.
In my book, that's an accomplishment.
So, even though I won't be posting my little winner graphic on my blog this year and I won't have a certificate to hang up, I think that I have risen above quite a challenge during this round of National Novel Writing Month. Next year, though, all of those words had better watch out.
Even though I know I didn't reach the goal, here's to hoping that my little comes up with 16,000 words by midnight. If anyone can, she can.
-AA
Last year, I tore through the challenge like it was nothing. Granted, I had and still have a number of unfinished creative writing projects, and Suite101 was in the midst of a thirty articles in thirty days challenge that I was also taking part in. Including creative projects, work, and "The Years Spent PC," I had plenty of words to clear the 50K mark and print out my snazzy certificate, get my purple 2009 button for my National Novel Writing Month writer profile, and collect all of my goodies and bragging rights.
This year, my sorority little sister and I both decided to participate. After all, I had "won" last year with three days left in the month, so this year should be cake since I had already done the challenge once. Right?
Well, it's 6:50 P.M. EST, and I am exactly 8,000 words short of the golden 50K.
Yup, that's right, I don't think I'm going to slay this beast, folks.
I thought about ways I could win. I thought about going through my Twitter feed and copying all of my tweets for the month - after all, I had written every one of those words. I thought about all of the emails I had sent, the GRE essays I had written, and all of the extraneous words that I had penned throughout the past thirty days simply doing what I do every day. I even thought about calling off from the Job from Hell today to see if I could pull what was a total of 11,500 out of my butt before 11:59 tonight, but I realized that I would more than likely sleep in and lounge on the couch watching TLC all morning, eat lunch, and then find something else to occupy my time all afternoon until I realized the real reason I needed the day to myself.
Needless to say, I went to work today.
But then again, I've looked at everything I have done throughout the month and realized that, even though I won't get the cool little certificate to hang on my wall next to the one from last year, I have completed a challenge. I have written over 42,000 words (the word counter always adds words for some reason) on top of working 40 hours a week, studying for the biggest test of my life, and taking the GRE on top of it all. In addition, I've been writing for Suite101 and finishing up graduate school applications.
In my book, that's an accomplishment.
So, even though I won't be posting my little winner graphic on my blog this year and I won't have a certificate to hang up, I think that I have risen above quite a challenge during this round of National Novel Writing Month. Next year, though, all of those words had better watch out.
Even though I know I didn't reach the goal, here's to hoping that my little comes up with 16,000 words by midnight. If anyone can, she can.
-AA
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Day 460 - Gettin' A Little Crazy
I'm just going to preface this by saying that Black Friday is a tradition in my family. My mom, my sisters and I go out every year, do a little shopping in the early morning hours, eat lunch, and come home and crash.
But this year, my sister Erin and I did something completely silly, just for $hits and giggles.
Midnight Madness, anyone?
You see, the local outlet mall holds Midnight Madness every Thanksgiving / Black Friday, where all of the stores and the food court all open at midnight. They offer all kinds of deals and make a big fuss over it because everybody - well, until this year, except us - goes to the Aurora outlets for Midnight Madness. This year, since the economy has been bad and people around here don't have any money, stores were practically giving things away this year, with some stores opening at ten or eleven instead of waiting until the magic hour to unlock their doors.
So, out of curiosity, Erin and I went to Midnight Madness. However, we decided, or rather Erin decided and I agreed, that if we were going to do this, we were going to do it up right. We decided that we were going to be the first in line at the COACH outlet when they opened at eleven. Why? Because out of all of the stores in the three outlet sub-malls, COACH was by far our favorite and the store that everyone and their brother and sister were going to be waiting at.
We left our house at seven on Thursday evening. Yes, I said seven in the evening.
Erin and I got to the outlet mall around 7:30 and found a prime parking spot. In reality, any parking spot at the Farms sub-outlet is prime parking because, well, there aren't many parking spots to begin with. To our dismay, there were already about twenty people in line already! Did these people bring Thanksgiving dinner in a crock pot or did they just leave the dirty dishes on the table and run?
Disappointed, Erin and I got in line, pulled out our Blackberries, and prepared to stand in line for the next three and a half hours.
We weren't even sure if we were going to buy anything. Heck, we were both broke. But we had heard friends, coworkers, and sorority sisters go on about Midnight Madness for years, and if Erin and I spent summers of our tween years standing in line for hours in the blistering summer sun waiting to get the newest Beanie Babies on the day they were released, we could handle three and a half hours of standing under an awning and watching the ran pour down on the poor souls who didn't leave the house until after eight. Piece of cake!
Midnight Madness was fun, but it was more for our bonding time than to actually go shopping. We stood behind a pilgrim woman at COACH for three and a half hours, watched as an Asian international student tried to cut in line and then proceeded to pick a fight with the woman in line behind us, set foot in the Osh Kosh Bgosh store to say hi to a friend and then ran away, and laughed as Erin blindly jumped into a massive puddle as we were running through the rain back to my car at one in the morning. I wish I would have gotten a picture of the pilgrim woman, whose family traditionally dresses up as pilgrims and Native Americans for their Thanksgiving get together. She also said that she had gone to the movies in the outfit before arriving at the store. Strange!
After Erin and I drove around Ravenna looking for some place that was serving food (and couldn't find any, ) we got home around two. I started to panic because I couldn't find my cell phone, ransacked my car and found my phone under the passenger's seat, and went to bed. We were pooped.
Then we got up at six and went out shopping again. By the time lunch came around, I was so hungry and had such low blood sugar that I couldn't text anyone because my hands were shaking so bad. Hey, the last time I had eaten anything substantial was for Thanksgiving dinner!
All in all, I had fun. I didn't spend too much (thankfully, because another round of student loan payments are coming up) and I got to spend time with my family, which almost always makes me feel better.
-AA
But this year, my sister Erin and I did something completely silly, just for $hits and giggles.
Midnight Madness, anyone?
You see, the local outlet mall holds Midnight Madness every Thanksgiving / Black Friday, where all of the stores and the food court all open at midnight. They offer all kinds of deals and make a big fuss over it because everybody - well, until this year, except us - goes to the Aurora outlets for Midnight Madness. This year, since the economy has been bad and people around here don't have any money, stores were practically giving things away this year, with some stores opening at ten or eleven instead of waiting until the magic hour to unlock their doors.
So, out of curiosity, Erin and I went to Midnight Madness. However, we decided, or rather Erin decided and I agreed, that if we were going to do this, we were going to do it up right. We decided that we were going to be the first in line at the COACH outlet when they opened at eleven. Why? Because out of all of the stores in the three outlet sub-malls, COACH was by far our favorite and the store that everyone and their brother and sister were going to be waiting at.
We left our house at seven on Thursday evening. Yes, I said seven in the evening.
Erin and I got to the outlet mall around 7:30 and found a prime parking spot. In reality, any parking spot at the Farms sub-outlet is prime parking because, well, there aren't many parking spots to begin with. To our dismay, there were already about twenty people in line already! Did these people bring Thanksgiving dinner in a crock pot or did they just leave the dirty dishes on the table and run?
Disappointed, Erin and I got in line, pulled out our Blackberries, and prepared to stand in line for the next three and a half hours.
We weren't even sure if we were going to buy anything. Heck, we were both broke. But we had heard friends, coworkers, and sorority sisters go on about Midnight Madness for years, and if Erin and I spent summers of our tween years standing in line for hours in the blistering summer sun waiting to get the newest Beanie Babies on the day they were released, we could handle three and a half hours of standing under an awning and watching the ran pour down on the poor souls who didn't leave the house until after eight. Piece of cake!
Midnight Madness was fun, but it was more for our bonding time than to actually go shopping. We stood behind a pilgrim woman at COACH for three and a half hours, watched as an Asian international student tried to cut in line and then proceeded to pick a fight with the woman in line behind us, set foot in the Osh Kosh Bgosh store to say hi to a friend and then ran away, and laughed as Erin blindly jumped into a massive puddle as we were running through the rain back to my car at one in the morning. I wish I would have gotten a picture of the pilgrim woman, whose family traditionally dresses up as pilgrims and Native Americans for their Thanksgiving get together. She also said that she had gone to the movies in the outfit before arriving at the store. Strange!
After Erin and I drove around Ravenna looking for some place that was serving food (and couldn't find any, ) we got home around two. I started to panic because I couldn't find my cell phone, ransacked my car and found my phone under the passenger's seat, and went to bed. We were pooped.
Then we got up at six and went out shopping again. By the time lunch came around, I was so hungry and had such low blood sugar that I couldn't text anyone because my hands were shaking so bad. Hey, the last time I had eaten anything substantial was for Thanksgiving dinner!
All in all, I had fun. I didn't spend too much (thankfully, because another round of student loan payments are coming up) and I got to spend time with my family, which almost always makes me feel better.
-AA
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Day 457 - Thanksgiving Eve
The pies are made, Theodore the Thanksgiving Turkey is thawing in the sink, and both of my sisters are starting Thanksgiving break today.
A lot of things have happened since last Thanksgiving. Heck, a lot of things have happened this year in general that I am thankful for. Some are little things, some are big things, but being thankful for a certain aspect of our lives doesn't mean that it has to be a certain size or shape or color or phase of matter. After all, most of the things I'm thankful for are things that aren't meant to be materialized, but it's important to remember that they are given life by the people, events, and lessons around me.
Life. I know, it may seem kind of silly to be thankful to be alive, but there have been a couple of times this year where being alive wasn't necessarily a given. Getting in a car accident was a big one, and every time I drive by that place I still hear everyone who told me that I honestly could have - and if I would have been going any faster probably would have - died that morning, I hold my breath.
It really hits home when I think about the brushes with death that have happened this month in the lives of my friends. One of my sorority sisters had an emergency liver transplant earlier this month, and thankfully she got the needed transplant (named Pedro) just in time as all of my sisters and I, regardless of where we were at the time, cried because we were so happy that everything came through.
Then, on Veterans Day, one of my classmates from college was killed in a car accident. He was 24, completely sober, and simply driving home from work when he went left of center and lost control of his car.
Without life, there would be no reason to be thankful for anything else because, well, it's not like I'd be able to be thankful for anything.
Family. No matter how much my dad annoys me with his attempts at trying to find me "real jobs," and no matter how much my sisters argue, and no matter how many times my mom forces me to be slightly more realistic, my family has been there with me through thick and thin. Without them, I'd probably be committed to a mental institution somewhere.
My family doesn't just include my biological family, though. Some of the most important people in my life, my sorority sisters and my closest friends, are included in my family. They may not be related by blood or by legal documents, but they are some of the most beautiful people I have ever been graced to know. They have become my shoulders to cry on, my cheerleaders, my reality checks when I'm thinking like a crazy, and a part of my family that I simply cannot put a price on.
All of the random material things. Even though stuff is stupid and most of my stuff is still in disarray from not cleaning my room since registering for the GRE, I can be thankful that I have warm clothes in the winter and breezy clothes in the summer, that I have a bed to sleep in at night, and shoes to wear on my feet. I have a car that's a little worse for wear (and possibly may need new brake pads) but it's better than nothing at all, and for that I am grateful.
Love. Love - the ultimate thing I am thankful for. I've done a lot of things that could push people away. I suck at answering or returning phone calls. I don't go out that much. I've spent too much time working my short life away and sometimes have neglected the people I love. Through all of my young stupidity, though, my family, friends, and boyfriend have stayed by my side and loved me all the way, even when I screw up and finally cry out that I need help.
It's love that makes me feel snuggly warm when I'm at home with my family. It's love that binds me to my friends and my sisters. It's love that still brings butterflys to my stomach when I even think of my boyfriend and it's the same love that makes me want to spend my life with him. Love may hurt, love may make me scream in frustration, but love ultimately is the reason as to why we're here, and for some, it's love that keeps us perfectly balanced in our current state. Even the Bible says, "Love goes on forever."
I have a lot to be thankful for this year. It may not seem like I've had it easy, and I know that I've had my rough spots, but I've learned a lot about myself this year and I've grown in ways that would not have been possible had I been forced to live paycheck to paycheck, had I hit a deer with my car, or had I been forced to reevaluate where I want to go in life.
So tomorrow, as I sit down with my family to chow down on Theodore the Thanksgiving Turkey, I know that I have been truly blessed this year. Hopefully, I'll continue to be blessed for many more years to come - and that is something to be thankful for.
-AA
A lot of things have happened since last Thanksgiving. Heck, a lot of things have happened this year in general that I am thankful for. Some are little things, some are big things, but being thankful for a certain aspect of our lives doesn't mean that it has to be a certain size or shape or color or phase of matter. After all, most of the things I'm thankful for are things that aren't meant to be materialized, but it's important to remember that they are given life by the people, events, and lessons around me.
Life. I know, it may seem kind of silly to be thankful to be alive, but there have been a couple of times this year where being alive wasn't necessarily a given. Getting in a car accident was a big one, and every time I drive by that place I still hear everyone who told me that I honestly could have - and if I would have been going any faster probably would have - died that morning, I hold my breath.
It really hits home when I think about the brushes with death that have happened this month in the lives of my friends. One of my sorority sisters had an emergency liver transplant earlier this month, and thankfully she got the needed transplant (named Pedro) just in time as all of my sisters and I, regardless of where we were at the time, cried because we were so happy that everything came through.
Then, on Veterans Day, one of my classmates from college was killed in a car accident. He was 24, completely sober, and simply driving home from work when he went left of center and lost control of his car.
Without life, there would be no reason to be thankful for anything else because, well, it's not like I'd be able to be thankful for anything.
Family. No matter how much my dad annoys me with his attempts at trying to find me "real jobs," and no matter how much my sisters argue, and no matter how many times my mom forces me to be slightly more realistic, my family has been there with me through thick and thin. Without them, I'd probably be committed to a mental institution somewhere.
My family doesn't just include my biological family, though. Some of the most important people in my life, my sorority sisters and my closest friends, are included in my family. They may not be related by blood or by legal documents, but they are some of the most beautiful people I have ever been graced to know. They have become my shoulders to cry on, my cheerleaders, my reality checks when I'm thinking like a crazy, and a part of my family that I simply cannot put a price on.
All of the random material things. Even though stuff is stupid and most of my stuff is still in disarray from not cleaning my room since registering for the GRE, I can be thankful that I have warm clothes in the winter and breezy clothes in the summer, that I have a bed to sleep in at night, and shoes to wear on my feet. I have a car that's a little worse for wear (and possibly may need new brake pads) but it's better than nothing at all, and for that I am grateful.
Love. Love - the ultimate thing I am thankful for. I've done a lot of things that could push people away. I suck at answering or returning phone calls. I don't go out that much. I've spent too much time working my short life away and sometimes have neglected the people I love. Through all of my young stupidity, though, my family, friends, and boyfriend have stayed by my side and loved me all the way, even when I screw up and finally cry out that I need help.
It's love that makes me feel snuggly warm when I'm at home with my family. It's love that binds me to my friends and my sisters. It's love that still brings butterflys to my stomach when I even think of my boyfriend and it's the same love that makes me want to spend my life with him. Love may hurt, love may make me scream in frustration, but love ultimately is the reason as to why we're here, and for some, it's love that keeps us perfectly balanced in our current state. Even the Bible says, "Love goes on forever."
I have a lot to be thankful for this year. It may not seem like I've had it easy, and I know that I've had my rough spots, but I've learned a lot about myself this year and I've grown in ways that would not have been possible had I been forced to live paycheck to paycheck, had I hit a deer with my car, or had I been forced to reevaluate where I want to go in life.
So tomorrow, as I sit down with my family to chow down on Theodore the Thanksgiving Turkey, I know that I have been truly blessed this year. Hopefully, I'll continue to be blessed for many more years to come - and that is something to be thankful for.
-AA
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Day 456 - Suck It Up, Farm Girl!
I've heard that saying for years when I start musing about how I've screwed up on something or something hasn't gone my way. Honestly, I don't know where it even came from - I think my sister Erin may or may not have made it one of her witty quips that she spits out once in a while - but it works.
It works for me getting over my disappointment in myself in regards to my GRE scores. I really need to get over the "woe is me" attitude, get back to work on those applications, and show the admissions committees at my potential schools that I am awesome, even if I may not have the best test scores.
So that's what I am going to do. After I came home from taking my test on Friday, I went straight to my Princeton Review book and looked at the percentiles for my scores which, of course, were both odd numbers. The book only lists the percentiles for even numbered scores, which did not make my anxiety any better because I had to do more math on top of having it painfully pulled out of my brain for forty-five minutes. I then proceeded to cry, hyperventilate, and do all other kinds of Ashley-is-having-her-version-of-a-panic-attack kinds of things without any rational reason behind it other than I thought that I had failed a test that no one can possibly fail.
I spent the whole weekend and all day yesterday trying to objectively tell people how I did on the test. Every time I recounted that I got this score on this section and that score on that section and how I thought that I could have done a whole lot better (at least on the verbal section, maybe not the math,) my mom would chime in. "Ashley," she would say, "you don't know that those are bad scores. That book is old. It's outdated. For all you know, the testing pool could have changed and you could be in a completely different place on the scale."
Score one again for Mom. She's right.
The truth that I clearly need to accept is that my test scores don't define me as a student or as a writer. My scores are only a fraction of who I am academically, and while my academic abilities may not be accurately reflected in a set of standardized test scores, I can show them more in the rest of my application. I am determined. I am driven. I am engaging. I am curious and willing to learn, willing to pick apart everything and anything to find the how and why it works.
To top it off, I think I'm a very good writer - decent, at the very least. I was going to word that in a slightly stronger tone, but I decided not to. Sounded out of character.
I guess all that's left is to rock the rest of my application and hope for the best. After all, all I can do is my best and the best is all I can do.
Why? Because I am NOT taking the GRE again. Ever.
-AA
It works for me getting over my disappointment in myself in regards to my GRE scores. I really need to get over the "woe is me" attitude, get back to work on those applications, and show the admissions committees at my potential schools that I am awesome, even if I may not have the best test scores.
So that's what I am going to do. After I came home from taking my test on Friday, I went straight to my Princeton Review book and looked at the percentiles for my scores which, of course, were both odd numbers. The book only lists the percentiles for even numbered scores, which did not make my anxiety any better because I had to do more math on top of having it painfully pulled out of my brain for forty-five minutes. I then proceeded to cry, hyperventilate, and do all other kinds of Ashley-is-having-her-version-of-a-panic-attack kinds of things without any rational reason behind it other than I thought that I had failed a test that no one can possibly fail.
I spent the whole weekend and all day yesterday trying to objectively tell people how I did on the test. Every time I recounted that I got this score on this section and that score on that section and how I thought that I could have done a whole lot better (at least on the verbal section, maybe not the math,) my mom would chime in. "Ashley," she would say, "you don't know that those are bad scores. That book is old. It's outdated. For all you know, the testing pool could have changed and you could be in a completely different place on the scale."
Score one again for Mom. She's right.
The truth that I clearly need to accept is that my test scores don't define me as a student or as a writer. My scores are only a fraction of who I am academically, and while my academic abilities may not be accurately reflected in a set of standardized test scores, I can show them more in the rest of my application. I am determined. I am driven. I am engaging. I am curious and willing to learn, willing to pick apart everything and anything to find the how and why it works.
To top it off, I think I'm a very good writer - decent, at the very least. I was going to word that in a slightly stronger tone, but I decided not to. Sounded out of character.
I guess all that's left is to rock the rest of my application and hope for the best. After all, all I can do is my best and the best is all I can do.
Why? Because I am NOT taking the GRE again. Ever.
-AA
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Day 453 - Boo On You!
I took the GRE yesterday. Boy oh boy, am I glad that it's over.
AND I'm glad that the schools I am applying to do not require a minimum score on either section for admission. According to the programs' websites, I just have to take the test - and I did just that.
I'm slightly frustrated with my results, though, frustrated enough that I'm not posting my scores online for the world to see. I can only handle so much public humiliation in one go, and coming home and literally breaking down into near hysterics yesterday afternoon was more than enough for now.
I will, however, share a few things about my GRE experience:
1. My math score was higher than my verbal score by a lot. By "a lot," I mean by over fifty points difference. While I can't do calculus, I still remember everything they taught me in algebra back in eighth grade.
2. I still stink at taking tests. Can't I just write a paper instead?
3. I am beginning to think that I don't know how to study. After being an A student all through elementary, junior high, high school, and college, I finally met a foe that kicked my smarty pants @$$. I made flashcards. I took practice tests. I did the practice problems in my study book. I still (in my overanalyzer and overachiever opinion) bombed the test. Maybe this smart cookie doesn't know how to study properly?
4. Don't waste money on test prep materials. My GRE-prep book caused me more grief than I probably should have had. I'm contemplating burning it in our fire pit.
Maybe what that $160 test is trying to tell me is that I'm not supposed to go to grad school, but instead be doomed to a life of barely-above minimum wage jobs that make me perfectly miserable in a position that I am over qualified for. Or maybe I'm just beating myself up over nothing, because after all, test scores are only a part of what admissions committees look at in a student.
Just a very large part.
I guess I just have to cross my fingers, make everything else in my applications rock, and hope for the best. I really need this. I keep saying that, but I have yet to find a way to express just how much I need out of my job from hell and into a place where I feel I can be me - complete nerd and all.
-AA
AND I'm glad that the schools I am applying to do not require a minimum score on either section for admission. According to the programs' websites, I just have to take the test - and I did just that.
I'm slightly frustrated with my results, though, frustrated enough that I'm not posting my scores online for the world to see. I can only handle so much public humiliation in one go, and coming home and literally breaking down into near hysterics yesterday afternoon was more than enough for now.
I will, however, share a few things about my GRE experience:
1. My math score was higher than my verbal score by a lot. By "a lot," I mean by over fifty points difference. While I can't do calculus, I still remember everything they taught me in algebra back in eighth grade.
2. I still stink at taking tests. Can't I just write a paper instead?
3. I am beginning to think that I don't know how to study. After being an A student all through elementary, junior high, high school, and college, I finally met a foe that kicked my smarty pants @$$. I made flashcards. I took practice tests. I did the practice problems in my study book. I still (in my overanalyzer and overachiever opinion) bombed the test. Maybe this smart cookie doesn't know how to study properly?
4. Don't waste money on test prep materials. My GRE-prep book caused me more grief than I probably should have had. I'm contemplating burning it in our fire pit.
Maybe what that $160 test is trying to tell me is that I'm not supposed to go to grad school, but instead be doomed to a life of barely-above minimum wage jobs that make me perfectly miserable in a position that I am over qualified for. Or maybe I'm just beating myself up over nothing, because after all, test scores are only a part of what admissions committees look at in a student.
Just a very large part.
I guess I just have to cross my fingers, make everything else in my applications rock, and hope for the best. I really need this. I keep saying that, but I have yet to find a way to express just how much I need out of my job from hell and into a place where I feel I can be me - complete nerd and all.
-AA
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